I have learned...

...why some women decide to skip the whole breastfeeding thing. The feeling of two glowing coals constantly smoldering at the "suckle site" really does go away...eventually...

...that I can't use scissors with my left hand. Maybe I need to sharpen them.

...nonstop screaming in your ear doesn't make you deaf.

...playing dress-up with a wiggly octopus 4 times a day would be easier than dressing an infant.

...not every baby loves bath time.

...they don't sell normal clothes to fit the bosoms of nursing women without looking like a football player.

...how to entertain the man behind the security cameras by weaving and bouncing through the aisles in stores like a mad woman lest my baby start screaming again.

...smiles, coos and goos are SO PRECIOUS!

...breastfed babies projectile poo. In a yellow stream. With great force. And it's impossible to get out of the way (if you're in the way).

...there used to be 24 hours to accomplish everything in a day. There are now approximately 1.8.

...queef is no longer a meaningless word.

...one baby is enough to make the pre-pregnancy state of your body akin to a VS model in hindsight.

...going for three days without a shower isn't as terrible as I once thought (but what is that smell?)

...baby fingernails grow like weeds.

...right when it seems like a somewhat predictable pattern has been established, it's time for a growth spurt (ie: cluster feeding).

...even with all the screaming, pooping, breast feeding, loving, disconcerting moments, puking, spit up, lack of sleep, and inability to accomplish what I once was, I wouldn't give up the past 7 weeks for anything. Thank you, Lord for the little joys of mommy-ing!