Long Version

"So how are you doing? Haven't talked to you in a while."

"Pretty good," I reply, trying to decide what to say next...

If it's been even a few weeks since last catching up, there are so many details.

If it's been much longer than that, we should just take a day relaxing at Starbucks over our strawberry frappes...except I can't have a strawberry frappe, or anything else they have to offer for that matter. Which is part of my new adventure (besides the fact that Starbucks and relaxing just don't go together anymore with a baby under 1!).

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Rewind to my pregnancy a year and a half ago - I was dealing with - no, more like suffering from - a mind-numbingly itchy rash covering my legs, hands, and various random spots on my body. It peaked and dissipated several times throughout the pregnancy, and I wrote it off as something to do with pregnancy hormones. It went away a few weeks before the birth, and stayed away for three months...until October of last year.

The rash came back with a vengeance, and I knew it wasn't pregnancy related. Then weird health things started happening - such as getting shingles on my face that left me with an unsightly scar in the shape of the state of Illinois on my forehead. I assumed I was sensitized to something during pregnancy, and set out to pursue answers with an integrative medical doctor.

Was it gluten...dairy...or a food issue at all? Perhaps environmental, or systemic/auto-immune? Over the past four months we've done a battery of tests, little by little, seeking answers. And this past month, we got some.

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I am allergic to anything I eat...

...because I have a leaky gut.

And why do I have a leaky gut? Parasites!

Nematodes living within me, sucking up nutrition I should be receiving, and creating a compromised gut lining that allows food particles from anything I eat to escape into my blood, which results in allergies.

So I've been off gluten and dairy for weeks now, and am gradually working my way into a grain-free diet. I was already avoiding processed foods for the most part, but have now cut out all forms of sugar (refined, unrefined, and natural) and am seeking to help my gut heal with nourishing foods...which is where the GAPS diet comes in...

There is a lot of info online about the diet, so I won't get into the concept much, other than to say it is a diet limited to foods that help the gut heal instead of working against it. Absolutely no starches (potatoes, most beans, corn, etc) are allowed, as well as any additives or processed foods. A "must" on the diet is incorporating homemade meat or bone broth into every meal, and utilizing the live cultures found in homemade yogurt, kefir, raw milk, lacto-fermented pickles/sauerkraut/carrots/etc., as well as taking a good quality pro-biotic supplement.

I am unable to completely go on the "intro diet" that is supposed to occur before the "full GAPS diet" due to breast feeding - it creates a pretty good detox that I don't want Chloe to have to deal with.

Though my diet options are limited, grocery shopping got whole lot easier since I can only eat fresh items. Just don't ask Micah how our food budget is doing this month. :-)

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Oh, and those parasites? They'd better be kissing my bad gut flora goodbye and taking their exit. I took a strong medication last week to get rid of them, and can now focus on rebuilding the gut lining they destroyed. Which means maybe I'll be able to eat like a normal person again someday. That's what we're hoping for.

Now what was I doing...?

I didn't know becoming a parent meant...

• Stacking today's unread newspaper on top of yesterday's unread newspaper.

• Eating dinner like I'm trying to break a world record for the most pasta swallowed in the shortest amount of time. Standing up.

• Letting Micah choose between poop and laundry as a topic of conversation.

• Figuring out how to pee without putting the baby down.

• Spending three hours getting the baby to sleep and then waking her up two minutes later to make sure she's still breathing.

• Forgetting what I was...

Babies...

Babies disrupt your life amazingly. It is difficult to believe that

such a small human being can bring so much chaos, involve so much hard

work, and produce such emotional turmoil for both parents. Babies

shatter complacency. They reveal your identity as you never knew

yourself before. They force you to see the world in a new way. They

produce a fresh challenge every day.

Sheila Kitzinger,

The Year After Childbirth: Surviving and Enjoying the First Year of Motherhood

Natural Mothering

"Sometimes I wonder if there isn't even some sort of an obligation to do what is naturally best for our babies, even when it means more effort on our part and enduring a certain amount of criticism as we try to get away from cultural practices without dropping out of society."

- Sheila Kippley,

"Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing: The Ecology of Natural Mothering"

When I was younger, there were things that were "the norm" for my family that were completely counter-cultural...but it was our normal, chosen by my parents.

Now I'm older and face making decisions on some of the same issues for our little family.

We are constructing our own form of normal that is fast taking shape as being counter-cultural as well...but this time around we are the "grownups"...taking the heat for our positions, accepting that others will disagree, but continuing to live our normal that we know is right for us...

I've been reading the book I quoted from above over the past few days and have been encouraged by much of its description of natural mothering. I've been lost in "caring for baby" duties the past 8 weeks, loving every minute (well, almost every minute), and pretty much just doing what comes naturally. By interacting with others around me, I see the different choices they have made for their families, and though it doesn't make me doubt our choices in the least, it is still a different "method," and finding support through words on a page can be encouraging.

Cultures change...

people mature...

the Lord edifies...

I rest in my Maker's loving kindness, knowing He is my sure and steadfast hope as I seek to show Chloe the love and care a mother can give - as a reflection of Christ's love in me.

Jn. 1:16 "And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace."

Praise the Lord for the "grace upon grace" I have been given through Christ. Without Him I would be nothing!

(hmmm, now I have that hymn in my head :-).

Cloth

Today is our first "cloth diaper trial." Chloe has been in cloth since this morning, and I've changed her twice so far...and probably should have 3 times with how wet the first one was.

Here is the first cute little "Best Bottoms" diaper I put on her:

Here's our little model - wondering why mommy's taking pictures of her diaper:

Here is said diaper air drying after the liner was removed and being wiped out (there's a pic of a new liner below, and the little girl in the background is not all innocent as she pretends to sleep, but works on pooping in the pretty white diaper I just put on her):

New liner:

Soooo, we'll see how this goes.
I had to stop myself from throwing the liners in the trash can - oops. :-) Can't throw these away!

I have learned...

...why some women decide to skip the whole breastfeeding thing. The feeling of two glowing coals constantly smoldering at the "suckle site" really does go away...eventually...

...that I can't use scissors with my left hand. Maybe I need to sharpen them.

...nonstop screaming in your ear doesn't make you deaf.

...playing dress-up with a wiggly octopus 4 times a day would be easier than dressing an infant.

...not every baby loves bath time.

...they don't sell normal clothes to fit the bosoms of nursing women without looking like a football player.

...how to entertain the man behind the security cameras by weaving and bouncing through the aisles in stores like a mad woman lest my baby start screaming again.

...smiles, coos and goos are SO PRECIOUS!

...breastfed babies projectile poo. In a yellow stream. With great force. And it's impossible to get out of the way (if you're in the way).

...there used to be 24 hours to accomplish everything in a day. There are now approximately 1.8.

...queef is no longer a meaningless word.

...one baby is enough to make the pre-pregnancy state of your body akin to a VS model in hindsight.

...going for three days without a shower isn't as terrible as I once thought (but what is that smell?)

...baby fingernails grow like weeds.

...right when it seems like a somewhat predictable pattern has been established, it's time for a growth spurt (ie: cluster feeding).

...even with all the screaming, pooping, breast feeding, loving, disconcerting moments, puking, spit up, lack of sleep, and inability to accomplish what I once was, I wouldn't give up the past 7 weeks for anything. Thank you, Lord for the little joys of mommy-ing!

June 8th, 2010

I have a lot of blog posts built up in a pile in my head...like the time I made tortellini, or the blackberry freezer jam adventure, or the weed pile we call our garden (but it's bearing fruit - yay!).

And if I didn't get to them before, they may be lost for all eternity due to the events of June 8th.

This is the story of our Chloe Rae's entrance into the world.
If you would rather just hear an overview minus the gory details, then you may want to stop reading now and message me.
But hey, I'm refraining from posting the pictures of the birth, so it's not as "bad" as it could be. ;-)


39 Weeks Gestation - June 7th-8th
11:30 AM - Had a great checkup with the midwife, except for one puzzling aspect - she couldn't feel Baby's head down low, so she couldn't say with certainty that Baby was head-down even though her heartbeat was heard most clearly down low. We decided to meet with her partner for a second opinion on Thursday evening just to be sure...

That afternoon was busy - I went to Kroger, updating the cashiers on the way out ("not for another week!"), went over to the garden at Micah's parents to pick some things and visited with them before going to pick up Micah from work.

Around 7:30 PM, Micah and I were eating pizza for supper in our room with the laptop propped in front of us watching the final episode of 24. I ate a couple pieces and felt like I was having gas pains. They came and went, and I was still hungry, so I ate two more pieces, then began to realize that my uterus was tightening up with each "gas pain." I figured I was having Braxton Hicks and that they would calm down once I went to bed. Chloe had hiccups after I finished eating, and they were very low, so I had this gut feeling her head was down where it was supposed to be. We went to bed around 9 and I got up several times to try and go to the bathroom thinking it would help with what I still considered mostly gas pain - I was in denial that this was really labor.

I slept pretty well until about 2:30 AM, then after that trip to the bathroom, walking around the house, drinking some milk, and taking a warm shower (all in hopes they would stop so I could get some sleep), I realized that there was definitely a pattern and not a lot of time between each contraction (which at this point just felt like bad menstrual cramps). I woke Micah up around 3 AM since I couldn't handle trying to relax with each contraction by myself anymore. He opened a contraction tracker online and after working through them for a while, realized they were 5 minutes apart lasting 60 seconds, so we called the midwife around 4 AM to let her know what was happening. She said to keep her updated, told me everything sounded good and that I was doing well, and to call her back in a couple hours, or if something changed drastically.

At this point I still hadn't come to terms with this really being labor. I had no previous signs of going into labor (such as bloody show, body "clearing out", etc.), my water hadn't broken, and I thought I would feel more pressure from her head pushing on my cervix than I was feeling. Micah got the birth pool filled and ready between contractions, but things went so fast I never ended up using it.

As time went on, it all melts together for me. It became increasingly harder to relax through contractions - I began to feel faint, nauseous, and like I had to go to the bathroom with every contraction. I went back and forth between the bed and toilet every couple of contractions, and Micah was right there with me letting me lean on him, giving me a sip of water after each contraction, and helping me relax. I liked being at the toilet because I could attempt to relax completely and not worry about peeing on the bed or something, but wouldn't stay there long because of feeling faint. I threw up several times when the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and when in transition.

Micah talked to our midwife at 7 AM and told her contractions were 2 minutes apart. She left for our house at that point, and then my contractions started doing weird things like double-peaking, coming one on top of the other, and being really short and really long - so apparently I was in transition. I was also thinking "I can't do this 6 more hours if it's going to be this intense," but apparently didn't express it to Micah.

Around 7:30 or so, my body started bearing down at the peak of two contractions in a row. I was waiting for the uncontrollable urge to push, which came with the following contraction. The urges gradually increased and the pain of the contractions decreased until there was no pain and I just felt the pressure of her head moving through the birth canal. I planned to push in a classic squat or something along those lines, but ended up back on the bed leaning against Micah almost in a reclining half-squat. It was a random position that felt good at the moment, so I went with it.

When our midwife arrived at 7:45, she did a quick internal check to make sure the head was coming first (which she was pretty much already sure of due to the location of my contractions), and I was encouraged by how close Chloe was to crowning. As she crowned, I felt pain again, and it got very intense. Around this time the midwife began to realize that Chloe was being born "in caul" and encouraged me to reach down and feel her head between contractions. I could feel her hair and the top of her squished little head through the bag of waters, which was really neat. Long past the time I thought I might split open, sweet relief came when Chloe's head was born. Our midwife broke the bag of waters at Chloe's mouth and removed it from her face, then pulled the cord over her head that was loosely wrapped once around her neck. I expected her body to slide out with ease in the next contraction, but, as we found out later, Chloe's chest was a half centimeter bigger than her head - and I sure felt that half centimeter!

Chloe was born and placed on my belly at 8:17 AM. She had a good amount of vernix on her and her face was a bit puffy from her trip out, but she had no molding of her little head. We admired her for a minute, then looked to see if she was a boy or girl, and realized her name was to be Chloe Rae.

The placenta wasn't far behind her, and after delivering it, the cord was clamped and Micah cut it. We spent the next three hours cuddling and loving our new little baby while our midwives checked our vitals 4 or 5 times and cleaned up the mess I'd made. I had a tear that was just barely 2nd degree, so they put a couple stitches in the muscle to help with healing. Micah lifted Chloe in the midwife's "bag scale," and she weighed 7lbs, 8 oz. Around 11:15 AM Micah called each of our parents to tell them of Chloe's arrival, and over the course of the afternoon we called, emailed, and FB'd family and friends.
At our 24 hour visit with the midwife we measured Chloe, and she was 19.5 inches long.
The Lord blessed us in so many ways through the whole experience of pregnancy and birth. We are thankful to Him for allowing the events of our peaceful home birth to occur in a way that was better than we could have hoped, and entrusting us with the blessing of this sweet, new little life.